Luck? I Have None!
by Detail
Summary: You ever heard of luck? It's this uncontrollable thing that brings a person good fortune. Some get lucky all the time, most get it once in a while, and the rest? Well, I'm the only person I know who never seems to get lucky. Even Mirabell has better luck. And she's a cat. Disclaimer: I don't own Soul Eater.


So… it happened again. Don't panic, Mirabell will get you down… eventually. This is what the damned says to herself while hung up on a flagpole. *sigh* At least you have you bag here Aizu. None your stuff can get stolen now. *ZOOOOM*

Hu-wha? What's with the sudden wind? Urgh, I'm getting chilly now.

"Um… Do you need help?"

Huh? Looking to my sides and down, I didn't see anyone. I was sure I heard something… I wasn't crazy in a way where I had voices in my head. It was some other crazy as people kept telling me. Asking for the source of the voice, I said:

"If you're real and not a new kind of crazy manifesting in my head, would you mind telling me _where_ you are?"

Another voice replied:

"Kid's not in your head, he's above it."

Okay, that statement made more questions than answers. I explained/asked:

"Er, in which case, since you seem to be able to fly or something, could you please do so where I can see you? Now, I wouldn't complain about looking up normally, but I want to avoid pressing the pointy tip of the hook I'm on against my back."

Yet _another_ voice spoke, saying:

"Okay, I got that first part (I think) but what was the other thing you said?"

Three voices? Maybe there wasn't any room… Changing my mind, I was about to say the vehicle of flight sounded full already, until I saw it. A kid on a floating skateboard. Thinking aloud:

"I think a trip to the psychiatrist will be necessary."

Golden eyes blinked confusedly while he said:

"There's really no reason I should go to a psychiatrist…"

"Oh, not you silly. You're just a figment of my imagination, thus aren't even tangible. Well, at least not to others. The brain is an amazing thing that can dream up the weirdest and seemingly realistic things. For all I know right now, I could be having a fevered dream from being stuck up here for roughly - oh, the sun was there, then it moved there – 5 hours."

Apparently the apparition was easily excitable, as it stuttered:

"F-f-five hours!? A-are you okay!?"

Still relaxed, I responded through half lidded eyes:

"Well, I have a bottle of water here, so I'm good for a while. Though, it would be nice if I could take a stop in the restroom…"

Nothing but a look of sheer shock and disbelief was plastered to the kid's face, though one of his guns spoke up:

"Oi, how'd you get up here?"

"Ah, so I dreamed up a meister. Interesting. Note to self; Work on figuring out why you were thinking of guns later. To answer your question about ending up here, I finished my mail deliveries around the city but before I could go home, I accidentally ran into one of the local gangs. The unfortunate fact that I'm a rather weak meister, even when Mirabell is with me, led to said gang capturing me and subsequently ending up here… certainly better than being locked up in the dumpster last time…"

The kid on the flying skateboard was still agape at my statement. Aw, the apparition looked kinda sad to me. Wouldn't it be silly to talk to it further though…? Oh, what the hell. I'm lonely and bored, that's more than enough reason:

"Don't feel bad for me. It's only the third time this week… I think."

The second gun spoke this time. The voice was somewhat lower, more mature sounding but still feminine:

"Third time…? But it's only Tuesday…"

"Really? This week's looking up."

*silence* Hm, feels like I'm forgetting something. Um, what about the thing about meeting new people – bingo! Stretching out my arm to shake hands, I said:

"I'm Aizu. You plan on being a space cadet all day? Even though this is probably a hallucination, I'd rather hallucinate that I'm on the ground than being hung up on a flagpole thank you very much."

Coming out of the stupor, the apparition put down one of the weapons in order to shake my hand somewhat awkwardly:

"I'm Kid… nice to meet you too, I guess…"

At least he was polite, that was nice. His name however sounded a little odd and rather poorly thought out. It was almost strange though because Kid wore a very nice looking suit with a few white rectangles on either side of his blazer. Seemed like his parents were eccentric people. Kind of reminds me of this William Vanderbilt I read about once. Brilliant man, though he set up his aquarium display on the way to the golf course so his buddies had to look at the beloved collection. Yeah, I think I'm on target here. Anyways, shaking myself mentally I had to ask the obvious once again:

"Do you plan on helping me down anytime soon? If you don't, gawk somewhere else. My pride is hurt enough as it is."

Shaking his head, Kid replied:

"Forgive me, it's not exactly every day you actually find someone hanging by their underwear-"

I snapped at that last part:

"I'm _not_ hanging by my underwear! … The elastic isn't anywhere close to being strong enough… but that's beside the point! Now just get me down already, **please**!"

With me practically begging now, the kid finally managed to get what I was saying through his head, with one minor problem:

"So I just unhook you…?"

A little embarrassed, I snapped:

"NO! Er, no. *clears throat* First off, it would make it way too easy to unbalance your skateboard and send us plummeting to possible brain death. Secondly, and this is the reason I snapped, you would end up seeing my panties! Part of the goal here is for me to try and retain _some_ of my pride."

No thanks to Mirabell. Gun #1 said:

"Teehee~… She said panties…"

I could almost feel Gun #2 sweat-dropping as she replied:

"Grow up a little…"

Shaking my head, I explained to the reddening Kid:

"Just lift me up a little while **I** work on unhooking myself. It's not like the hook is latched or anything."

No less pink in the face Kid hoisted me up as best he could (facing **away **from my backside), while I worked on the hook that the damned gang leader had _ran through my shorts_! I'll admit, they could have been in better shape, were too big to wear without a belt but considering where the hook was, I had no choice _but_ to mend them later. "_Unless of course, I _wanted_ people to see my underwear_": I thought rhetorically. Mentally, I gagged at the thought. I had no intentions of being a slut, I'd rather become a scientist that someday makes ground-breaking innovations… and makes a robot that can kick other people's asses at my command…

-Somewhere Else-

A tan boy, with spiky blue hair and a star tattoo on his right shoulder held up what looked like a white tiger kitten by its scruff, much to the annoyance of the "kitten". The "kitten" meowed:

"Mow! Mew, meeewl! (Put me down! My master needs help!)"

Grinning like the stupid idiot he was, the kid said:

"Why do you keep meowing at me? You're being held by the great **Black Star**! That's the only reason you could be here."

The cat could think of a few other reasons as to why it was here, none of them pertaining to this "Black Star" specifically. At least, none of the non-violent reasons anyways. Trying _once again_ to get through the thick skull of his, the cat mewled:

"Mowr! Mow, mow-mow mow, meow! (For the last time! Put me down, or I'll bit your hand off, and then I can go get someone to actually help my master!)"

Another person in the vicinity said in a somewhat meek tone:

"Black Star, I _really_ think you should put down the kitten. I think it's trying to tell us something important…"

"That's what I'm saying! But I don't speak cat, so I can understand what it's saying about how great I am!"

Continuing to grin like the utter fool he was, Black Star kept using his gloved hand to hold up Mirabell. Tsubaki sweat-dropped again at how dense Black Star could be.

-Back to Aizu-

Once again, I found myself rethinking going to Death Weapon Meister Academy (the name is such a mouthful though, most people use DWMA for practical purposes). Though I was one of the smartest kids in the whole school, my potential with a weapon was limited at best. This brought down my value to the academy immensely. I mean, that's the whole reason they're here. For recruitment of people who could fight against the witches. I'd be lucky just to get away from them alive. Fight one and win? I'd be dead in an instant.

Beyond that, I seriously wondered why they even still let me go there. Every time I exerted my energy (physical, spiritual, etc) past a certain point, I went into a state of pain. It felt like something in me was trying to recover that energy, but since it couldn't take back the energy I expelled… something took energy from whatever else was in me. It was awful. No matter how smart I was, I'd be little more than a liability on the battle field. Life was sad when you have trouble giving yourself self-worth.

I had been dozing a little when gun #2 said:

"Are you done unhooking yourself yet? If I stay as a weapon too long, I get really stiff later."

"Oh… Oh!"

Coming back to my senses, I said:

"Sorry for the inconvenience then. I'm almost done though. I managed to remove the hook from my belt, so now I just gotta-"

The next few seconds were a blur. Kid hit the gas (or whatever you do on a flying skateboard) and well… it's rather embarrassing really… It seemed that Kid had somewhat forgotten I hadn't finished unhooking myself and nearly stumbled off his skateboard from me being anchored in place. Then a ball hit me square in the cheek:

"OW!"

Damn it! Ow, ow, ow! My hands flew to face as I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming anymore. Please don't let this mean another trip to the nurse's office. I must have been one of the unluckiest people on the planet because just then- my shorts decided to rip. I felt slightly lighter, and my butt felt cold. '_Oh god, please don't let it be so, please don't let it be so._': I repeated over and over in my head.

-30 Seconds Earlier Elsewhere-

"Mow! MEEEOW! (That's it! YOU'RE DEAD MEAT TO ME BLACK STAR!)"

The kitten then bit and scratched the stupid boy for all she was worth, and she was worth a lot apparently:

"Gah! What the hell are you doing stupid cat!"

Even though Black Star was wearing fingerless gloves, it did shit against the kitten's sharp teeth. Dropping her immediately, Mirabell landed gracefully at his black, white toed shoes and ran **away** from him. Along the way, she sent a ball flying at his face with her tail without pause. Being as fit as he was though, the ball never got close to his face as Black Star caught it. Acting like the angry kid he really was, Black Star yelled:

"How dare you try to harm the great and almighty Black Star!? Don't you know I'm going to surpass God!?"

Sarcastic mewling came from the kitten's mouth as she leapt the top of the surrounding wall:

"Meow _mew_. Mew, mew, me_ow_. (The operative word being _going_. And boy, do you have a _long _ways to go.)"

Actually realizing the sarcastic tone in the kitten's voice, Black Star yelled:

"That better not be an insult, or else I'll – I'll…"

With the incomplete sentence, Black Star threw the ball he had caught right at the sitting kitten. Only humiliation awaited him as the kitten simply lied down to avoid the ball. Mirabell had to admit though, as the ball flew over her, he _was_ pretty strong. Just unbelievably stupid.

-Present Time-

I saw it. Kid too as we looked down to see my belt-less shorts, hanging by a hook on the flagpole Tomato red and almost ready to cry, I told Kid:

"… I won't even deny that I am begging you to please, _please_ have mercy on the little shred of pride I have left and **don't** turn your head. _Please_."

"If your shorts are there then does that mean-?"

"_PLEASE_. Don't even **mention **it! You know as well as I do what the answer to that question is."

In the _very_ awkward silence, gun #1 just had to kill off that very last shred of pride by saying:

"Mean what? That I can see her pink striped undies?"

Gun #2:

"PATTY!"

Kid's face matched mine in redness.

Me? Silent, hot tears fell down my face. This felt like the epitome of embarrassment. Kid tried to make things better:

"Um… would you like me to get the shorts…?"

"… You clueless hopefully-just-a-hallucination, they're beyond repair. But knowing how bad my luck is here… You have to be real! *sniff*"

Ready to cry any second, gun #2 said:

"Gyah! Don't cry! It's all okay! Kid hasn't actually looked yet! You still have some pride left."

"*sniff, sniff* I-I guess so… *whine*"

Gun #1 (name Patty) apparently didn't know when to stop talking:

"What's wrong with her undies? They're cute! Especially the- mmmpf."

Gun #2:

"Enough said Patty…"

"Mm-mpf. (Okay.)"

Even closer to crying, I had to say my usual go-to phrase when I felt terrible:

"It could be worse, it could be worse, it could be raining."

Unfortunately, the sky appeared to be darkening and I heard a crack of lighting. Today was **not** my day…

"I don't know what could make this day any worse now. *sob*"

Probably feeling nothing but pity for my existence right now, not that I could blame him, Kid said:

"Maybe you'll feel better if you went home…"

"… You're not going to drop me on the ground and make me walk home all by myself, are you? That'd just be my kind of luck…"

Suddenly gun #2 spoke:

"If anyone even considers leaving a person in the middle of nowhere in your condition, I'll shoot them! So don't you dare say anymore sad stuff about yourself *sniff* it just makes me want to cry…"

Patty sounded pretty touched too and added:

"Don't cry big sis! *sniffle* Otherwise yuh-yu-you'll make me cry too…"

Now this was sappy beyond toleration. Trying to find my head again, I wiped my face and tried thinking about the situation again. It's not actually raining right now, so it still could be worse. With this, I managed to pull myself together for the time being. Speaking, I said:

"Kid? Listen to me. Forget about _all_ of the embarrassing stuff right now and listen to my directions. You see that tower on the left of the DWMA academy?"

Still a little pink in the face, but thinking straight, he answered:

"Yeah, I do."

"Well that's where my dorm room is. And there's a balcony, so you can just drop me off there."

"Wait, you're a student at DWMA?"

"Yup. Pitiful, I know. Too weak to even fend off thugs much less ever fight a witch. I'm probably the shame of the academy…"

Gun #2 piped up:

"Didn't I say not to say anymore sad stuff about yourself!?"

"-Uh, eh, um, not specifically ma'am!"

"Well don't, it's too sad!"

That was rather surprising. Even though this stuff was true, she wanted me to stop because it was sad? Heh, I had forgotten how nice people could be sometimes. This Patty also said:

"You tell her Liz!"

Smiling despite my situation, I said:

"I surrender, you two win."

While I conversed with the guns, I pointed Kid in the direction of my dorm room. He seemed to get the idea and nodded. I could hear Patty going yay and asked energetically:

"What did we win? What's the prize?"

"Hm, that's a good question. Oh, I think I got something. How about bragging rights that you told off one of the smartest kids at DWMA?"

Rather excited at that idea, Patty said:

"Bragging rights, bragging rights~! We told off a smart kid~!"

I added:

"Why don't you join in on Patty's fun, Liz? You get bragging rights too. Oh, and if you need a name to reference, I'll tell you guys my full name. It's Aizu Hasenki. Ai-zuh Ha-sen-ki. "

As the castle academy became closer, it filled more and more of my vision. I rethought how bad my day was while talking to Liz and Patty. It was still possible I was having a hallucination, so it wasn't too bad. But it would be sad to find out that the little group didn't exist…

At the dorm room, Kid lowered me down onto my small balcony (without looking), and I managed to stand up right. Before I let him, Liz, and Patty leave, I said:

"If you guys aren't a hallucination, I hope I'll see ya again."

Patty then said something rather interesting:

"Actually, Kid's going to this school tomorrow. We should see you real soon!"

Shocked, my eyes widened. Turning around with a stunned expression on my face, I saw Kid sweat drop and say:

"Oh, would you look at the time."

"I can see that you're not wearing a watch… You're planning on telling everyone about my undies aren't you…? *sniff* *sniff*"

Turing a beet red color, he sputtered:

"N-n-no! Wh-wh-why would y-you thi-ink that!?"

Completely ignoring what he was saying, I went on with my own thoughts. He was going to tell everyone he could, maybe even brag about it. That was my luck today, just rotten! And he just going to end up laughing at my crying- I felt something snap in my head. No way in hell was that worth wasting tears, this kind of situation was meant for fury! But I can't get too violent, otherwise my body will break down. Ergh, gotta play straight. Doesn't usually do me much good, but he's not going to throw me in a dumpster (believe it or not, I managed to motivate myself with **that**). Trying to burn a hole in the back of his skull with my gaze, I said:

"I admit, I may not be strong, but do realize I can figure out how to make a poison that will turn your guts in-side **out**. Do I make myself clear?"

Nervously, he answered:

"Poison doesn't work on me-"

I fumed:

"IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU HAVE AN IMMUNE SYSTEM MADE OF IRON OR IF YOU CAN REGENERATE LIKE A LIZARDS TAIL, I CAN MAKE SHIT THAT COULD BURN A HOLE THROUGH STEEL IN 0.25 SECONDS!"

A very nervous looking Kid glanced back at me and was met by a furious glare, before jetting off at breakneck speed. Ugh, practically crumpling to the ground right then and there, I sighed. This day was exhausting. Reaching for the latch of the window, I worked on undoing it so I could enter my room and pass out on the bed. There was a problem though as the latch wouldn't come undone. I stood up and turned around to take a closer look at the problem. Apparently, I had forgotten to undo the latch on the inside earlier that day. That translated to; my ass was stuck outside until further notice. Shit… For my last hope, I looked inside and… Mirabell was napping on the bed! Yes! She could open the window! I was knocking on the window to try and wake Mirabell up. Guess what: She was out cold. I yelled out at top volume:

"MIRABELL! OPEN THIS WINDOW! CAN YOU HEAR ME! MIRABEEEEEELLL!"

*plip, pilp* Something cold and wet hit my face. *plop, plip* As the shoulder of my shirt got wet, I looked up to see more droplets coming down. Rain… wonderful. Scratch what I thought earlier, this **is** the worst day ever.


End file.
